How to Have a Happy Marriage After Retirement

Causes of Gray Divorce

Divorce after the age of 50, also know as gray divorce, is becoming more common ... sometimes because of the stress placed on a relationship by retirement.  A marriage that was difficult when one or both spouses were working can become unbearable when two people find themselves together most of the day.

Even if they don't divorce, many people who thought their spouse was simply a little annoying before they retired now find themselves living in misery afterwards.  As a woman in her 60's, I have several married women friends who dread having their husbands retire.  They feel they will never have time to themselves again and that everything they do will be constantly critiqued and criticized ... especially if their husband starts telling them how to run the house. I have known men who suddenly began to "instruct" their wife on the right way to load the dishwasher, vacuum the carpet, or do the laundry.  Whether this is true in your relationship or not, just the fear of it often puts the wives on edge, making them irritable and unhappy about the prospect of retirement.

Another problem that can come up is that some couples may have different expectations about retirement.  For example, the wife may expect that her husband will help more with the household chores.  He may expect that she will now start playing golf or tennis with him more often.  When these things don't materialize, it can cause disappointment, resentment and bitterness.

Another common issue is social dependency.  The husband may want the wife to focus all her attention on him, especially if he has few friends now that he is no longer working.  The wife, however, may have already developed a large social group that she enjoys seeing on a regular basis.  This can also cause jealousy and resentment.

I felt this was an important topic to address in a retirement blog, so I decided to do a little research into ideas that might alleviate some of the fear and resolve many of the issues regarding marital compatibility after retirement.  An important aspect of retirement planning is to feel confident that your relationships will be pleasant, too.  While you may not want to try everything I discovered and list below, it could be worth it to at least give a few of these suggestions a try.

How to Get Along with Your Spouse After Retirement

*  Both the husband and wife should find ways to be of service.  Helping others is rewarding and especially benefits those people who feel they do not have much value after they leave their jobs.  Having self-worth is important for nearly everyone, whether they are retired or not.  In addition, being busy and having activities that give structure to your free time can make your life more enjoyable.

*  Some people who are ready to retire from their lifelong career may wish to continue to work in some other capacity.  This could mean that you keep your current job, but only do it part-time; or it may mean choosing an entirely different career.  It might even be possible to find an encore career in which you are both of service to others and earn an extra income at the same time.  The website encore.org can help you find a second career with service organizations in your area.  In addition to helping you feel of service and giving you the opportunity to interact with other people in meaningful ways, working can also relieve any financial stress that might have been brought on by retirement. 

*  Even if it requires marriage counseling, every couple needs to learn how to accommodate each other and avoid hurting each others feelings.  If you have been hurting each other for years, it could take time to re-learn the ways you used to enjoy spending time with each other.  After all, there has to be a reason why the two of you got married in the first place.  Once you manage to get back those feelings, you will be glad that you now have a kinder, gentler, more loving relationship.  If you plan to be happy during the decade or two that you are likely to live together after retirement, both people need to find ways to fulfill their social, spiritual and emotional needs within the marriage.

*  At the same time that you are working on building a better relationship with your spouse, both people also need to develop their own individual, personal interests and respect their spouse's independence.  Both of you need to have the free time to do the things that you enjoy.

*  Sit down and talk with each other about your expectations after retirement.  See which expectations you both agree to ... such as he will take responsibility for certain chores and she will join him in certain activities.  Set up a calendar so you both know what will be going on each day.  For example, on Tuesdays she plays bridge and he plays golf.  On Wednesday afternoons, they go together to a movie.  Avoid nagging your spouse to give up an activity they enjoy, simply because you want them to do the things you like.  They deserve to have time to enjoy their retirement, too!

*  Find some individual space for each person within your home.  He may want a home office; she may want a craft or sewing room ... or the opposite could be true.   Each person needs to have a place they can call "their own" within the home ... even if that space occasionally has to do double duty as a guest room for a visiting adult child.

*  Continue to read, talk to each other and learn as much as you can about how to get along after retirement.  You may both need a "refresher course" from time to time, especially after an argument or a period of high stress. In addition, you could find the articles below helpful.

Sources:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5018_qa.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/09/divorce-after-50-retirement_n_3286342.html

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2013/11/05/retirement-couples-happy/2918023/

http://www.encore.org/

For more help with retirement planning, use the tabs at the top of this post for links to hundreds of additional articles.

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credit:  www.morguefile.com

Best Places to Retire Overseas from Live and Invest Overseas

Live and Invest Overseas has a Retire Overseas Index which they use to evaluate a variety of factors that go into helping people decide where they should move if they want to retire to another country, rather than stay in the United States.  Currently, over 600,000 Americans receive their Social Security checks in other countries and countless others have their checks deposited into American bank accounts, while they spend at least a portion of their year in a foreign retirement mecca.

U.S. News and World Report, in an article released on September 5, 2014, took the Live and Invest Overseas data and compiled their own list of ten places you should consider, if you want to live all or part of the year in another country when you retire.  They considered data such as affordability and the presence of other American ex-patriots in compiling this list.

Best Places to Retire Overseas

Algarve, Portugal - low cost of living, fabulous climate, and the 17th safest place to live in the world.

Cuenca, Ecuador - affordable, high-quality healthcare, and this is a country that uses the U.S. dollar, which means retirees do not have to worry about exchange rate problems.

George Town, Malaysia - This charming small city is a UNESCO World Heritage site.  Many people speak English, which makes it an easy place to live.

Chiang Mai, Thailand - low cost of living, mild climate and an easy place to find work in the local schools, universities and health care facilities, if you hope to earn extra retirement income.

Dumaguete, Philippines - A couple can live in this University town for as little as $1000 a month and enjoy the gorgeous beaches, as well as many western cultural opportunities like ballet or the theater.  English is the primary language.

Pau, France - Known as the garden city for its lush and abundant greenery, a couple could live in this beautiful university town for about $2,000 a month.

Medellin, Columbia - A beautiful South American city with numerous parks and architectural beauty.  Although we have all heard of the dangerous Medellin drug cartel in the past, according to these reports the city is now considered safe for retirees.  It was named the 2013 World's Most Innovative City.

Abruzzo, Italy - I recently wrote another post about this spectacular and affordable area, titled "Move to the Abruzzo Region of Italy."  It is also included on the Live and Invest Overseas list because of its beautiful beaches, stunning mountains and its affordability.  This is another place where it is estimated that a couple could retire for about $2,000 a month.

Panama City Beaches, Panama - This town offers retirees a beach lifestyle with modern amenities.  Panama is another location that uses the U.S. dollar and has a high-quality healthcare system.

Istanbul, Turkey - We have some Swedish friends who worked for an international company and were often transferred to various parts of the world.  They lived for several years in Texas and then for several years in Istanbul.  They insisted that Istanbul was, by far, their favorite place to live outside of Sweden.  It offers both the experience of living in Europe as well as in Asia.  It is a very affordable place to live at an estimated $1,100 per month.  Our Swedish friends love to play golf and had high praise for the golf courses and the community where they lived in a suburb of Istanbul.


For more detailed information about these locations, go to:

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-best-places-retire-overseas-142702453.html

For more information about retirement planning, use the tabs at the top of this article to find links to hundreds of other retirement articles.

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo of the Abruzzo region of Italy is courtesy of wikipedia.com/commons

Most Popular Retirement Stories of 2014

This year the most popular retirement topics had to do with the issues of aging, the best places to retire in the United States or overseas, health problems and money tips for both the poor and the wealthy.  Here are links to the top articles for 2014:

The UCI 90+ Study at Laguna Woods Village

Why do some people live to be 90 or 100 years old and others do not?  Which people are most likely to get Alzheimers?  This article is based on decades of research on the residents of Laguna Woods Village, a retirement community near the University of California in Irvine.  Some of their findings are much different than what we have always thought!

Keeping Track of New IRA Rules 

In this article, you will find links to an IRA Broker Comparison Chart, as well as a distribution cheat sheet.  Valuable information about choosing an IRA broker, the amount to contribute and the amount to take in distributions.

Where To Retire Near San Diego

Check out this list of great retirement communities in the San Diego area, and learn the advantages and disadvantages of retiring in this popular region of California.

Public Assistance for Low Income Retirees

Many retirees struggle to make ends meet.  Often they are eligible for a variety of public assistance programs, but they don't know about them.  Whether you need a little extra help yourself or you know of someone who does, this article provides a list of how and where to access the different types of programs that are available.   

Healing Your Plantar Fasciitis

Plantar Fasciitis is a very painful condition that affects the heal of your foot.  While it can take a few months to recover, this article contains a number of tips to help you on the road to recovery.

Problems in Retiring Abroad

More than 600,000 Americans now receive their Social Security checks in foreign countries.  Many people make this decision in order to save money while maintaining a high quality of life.  However, there are a few things that everyone needs to consider before making the decision to move overseas.

Retire in Lovely La Antigua, Guatemala  

If you are looking for a Central American city with a large, English-speaking ex-patriot community and excellent medical care, this may be the right location for your dream retirement home.

Costa Rica Has Become a Top Retirement Destination

Costa Rica has been ranked by HelpAge International as one of the best places for retirees and the elderly to live.  They ranked 90 countries on a variety of issues, including healthcare and Costa Rica came out on top.

Is It Alzheimers or a Treatable Disease?

When the elderly begin to develop dementia, it is often assumed that it is Alzheimer's and there is very little that can be done about it.  However, often dementia is caused by other problems that are quite treatable.  Even certain medications can cause the symptoms of dementia.  Learn how to tell the difference.

Warren Buffet's Retirement Advice

In an interview with Motley Food, Warren Buffet reveals his suggestions for successfully investing your retirement funds.  If you are looking for a stable investment income, you'll want to read this article.

Move to the Abruzzo Region of Italy

Have you always dreamed of retiring in Europe, but thought you could not afford it?  Check out this article about the beautiful, romantic Abruzzo Region of Italy where an American couple can live comfortably in a beautiful setting on less than $2000 a month.

Choosing a Continuing Care Retirement Community



Sometime in your 70's or 80's, many people choose to move into a continuing care retirement community, where someone else will do the cooking, cleaning and provide your transportation.  When you are ready to take this step, you'll want to know how to choose a good one.

You may also be interested in the top retirement stories of past years:

The Fifteen Most Popular Retirement Stories of 2013

The most popular topics were the articles about fabulous places to retire, how to make money after retirement and alternatives to long-term care insurance.  One article was was especially popular was the one that shared some interesting statistics about the Baby Boomer generation

The Eleven Most Popular Retirement Stories of 2012

Subjects covered include where to retire outside the United States, sunny places to retire in the U.S., retirement savings, healing relationships with your adult children, Baby Boomers and STDs, divorce after age 50 and niche retirement communities.

The Eight Most Popular Retirement Stories of 2011

Topics include cheap places to retire, working from home, how to prevent a broken bone, and crafts to do with your grandchildren.

For links to hundreds of additional articles about retirement, use the tabs at the top of this article.

You are reading from the blog, http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credit:  Photo of Laguna Woods Village was taken by author, Deborah-Diane.  All rights reserved.

Realistic Gifts for Children and Grandchildren

Over the years, many of us have grown accustomed to being quite generous with our adult children and grandchildren. In addition, our children and grandchildren may have grown accustomed to receiving large gifts from us.  This can cause problems as we age and our budget can no longer permit us to be so generous.

What can you do to make sure that you do not destroy your own retirement plans by spending too lavishly on members of your family?

Talk to Your Adult Children

Even before you retire, there is nothing wrong with casually saying to your children, "I'm glad I am able to buy you this expensive gift now, while I'm still working, because I won't be able to afford to do these things once I retire."  This prepares your children so that, when the time comes, they are not shocked when they expect one thing and receive something else.

Set Up a Realistic Budget

It goes without saying that some retirees are able to afford to give more to their adult children than others.  Whether you can afford to spend $5, $50, or $500 a person, make sure you have set up a realistic budget that will not disrupt your income.  You do not want to be spending down your savings or investment principle in order to purchase gifts for your children.

The Best Gift You Can Give Your Children is to be Self-Supporting

Do you really want your children to have to support you in the coming years ... possibly at the same time they are trying to put their own children through college?  Do you want to have to move in with your children for financial reasons?

In addition, most young and middle aged adults would experience a great deal of financial difficulty themselves if they were called upon to help support their parents.  Consequently, you are doing your children a favor when you do not overspend on them for holidays and birthdays.

Sometimes Large Cash Gifts Can Be Part of Your Estate Planning

On the other hand, sometimes giving large gifts of cash, stock or property can be part of your estate planning.  If your estate planner recommends it, making large gifts to your children while you are still alive is one way to reduce inheritance taxes on large estates.  However, only do this after consulting with your estate planner and you have determined that you will continue to have an income stream that will support you for the rest of your life.

Make Sure You Keep Things Fair

When you reach the point when you have to decrease the size of the gifts you give to your children and grandchildren, be careful to keep things fair.  If you pay for an expensive trip for one grandchild, for example, but have no intention of doing the same thing in the future for others, it will only cause resentments and unhappiness.  Make sure that you are as even-handed as possible.  This is especially important in a blended family in which the husband and wife may have children from other marriages.

Decide Whether You Want to Give Gifts, Cash or Something Else

Some people I know give several hundred dollars at Christmas to each of their adult children, and they let them divide up the money between themselves and their children as they see fit.  Other people give individual gifts to their children and grandchildren, but no cash.  Another choice is to give gifts to one generation and cash to another ... for example, gifts to your children and cash to the grandchildren (or the opposite).   I have also known people who just buy gift certificates or write checks to everyone in the family.

One year, my husband and I decided to buy Disney stock for each of our grandchildren.  We thought it would be good for them to have an interest in the stock market and it would help a little with their future college costs.

However you decide to handle gift giving is up to you and should be based on your own financial situation, as well as what is easiest and most enjoyable for you.  After all, since you are making the gift, you have the right to decide how you want to handle things.  Just make sure you remember to take care of yourself, too.

Happy Holidays from my family to yours!

If you are interested in other articles about financial planning in retirement, use the tabs at the top of the page.  They contain links to hundreds of other articles on topics that could be of interest to you.

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Budgeting for Your Golden Years

At the end of each year, many people take time to evaluate their retirement plans, work on their budgets and evaluate how they are doing financially.  In fact, this is something everyone should do once a year, whether they are young adults, middle aged or already retired. 

One of the keys to a happy, successful retirement is to have a realistic budget.  This involves knowing which expenses will be reduced or eliminated entirely, which expenses are expected to remain about the same, and which expenses are likely to increase.  It is important to be honest when you evaluate how much money you can reasonably expect to need in order to have a satisfying retirement.  Here is some basic information to get you started:

Retirement Expenses that Could be Reduced or Eliminated

Mortgage -- Will you pay off your mortgage or move someplace less expensive where your payments will be lower?  If you go into retirement with your current mortgage, of course, you can expect this expense to remain unchanged.

Rent -- If you do not own your own home, will you remain in your current lease or move to less expensive housing?  Renting does make it easier for people to be flexible in making adjustments to their cost-of-living.

Debt -- Even if you still have a mortgage, many people try to pay off all or most of their other debts before they retire.  If this is true for you, it could make a substantial reduction in your monthly budget, depending on how much debt you have been carrying.

Commuting and Transportation -- Most people drive fewer miles after they retire, which also means that they spend less on related expenses, such as car repairs and parking.  However, if you plan to do a lot of traveling by car, this may not be true for you.

Lunches, work clothing, dry cleaning and other job related expenses -- Once you stop working, you are much less likely to be eating lunch out every day, buying suits or taking them to be cleaned.  The amount of savings can add up.

Retirement savings -- After you begin living off your retirement savings, you will stop adding money to your IRA or 401(k).  This is one expense that will drop off completely.

Medical Expenses - Maybe -- If you are old enough to go on Medicare when you retire, and if you decide to use a high-quality Medicare Advantage plan, you may save money, especially if you paid your own health insurance premiums in the past.  However, if you have received free or inexpensive healthcare through your employer, then this could be an expense that will be higher when you retire.

Retirement Expenses That Will Remain About the Same

Groceries -- While we like to think we will save money in every area of our life, the truth is that certain expenses, such as our grocery bill, are going to stay the same or may even increase slightly as we eat more meals at home.

Utilities -- This is another bill that will probably remain about the same or might increase slightly, especially if you have been accustomed to turning the thermostat down when you're at work.  Once you are home all day, running the furnace or air conditioner, watching television or using the computer, your utility bills will be at least as much as you spent in the past and could go up slightly.

Insurance -- The amount that you spend on homeowner's or renter's insurance, life insurance, and auto insurance are all going to remain about the same as what you have paid in the past.

Property Taxes -- If you own a home, even if you have paid it off, you still need to include your property taxes in your retirement budget.  They will initially continue to be about what you have paid in the past.  Over the years, you can expect taxes, and everything else, to go up.


Retirement Expenses that Could Increase ... Possibly a Lot!

Health Insurance -- Whether or not your health insurance costs go up or down depends a lot on what you have been paying in the past and the type of Medicare supplement you decide to purchase after you retire.  For example, if your employer paid for your insurance prior to retirement, then anything you pay for Medicare and the supplemental policies you choose will be an increase.  If you had an expensive individual health insurance policy in the past and you had to pay the premiums yourself, then Medicare, even with a Medigap supplemental policy, will seem like a bargain.  You need to do your research and have a realistic budget for your health insurance.  For most people, the least expensive way to handle Medicare is by using a Medicare Advantage plan.

Other health expenses -- Depending on the insurance you choose, you will still have co-pays and deductibles with most Medicare plans.  Drug costs are sometimes high for senior citizens, as well.  Basic Medicare does not cover dental or vision expenses, which can be significant as you age, so you may need to purchase extra insurance to help with these costs.  Even if you do have insurance, certain dental expenses, such as implants, can still be quite high.  It is wise to estimate what your deductibles and other costs could be and set aside some money to cover these possible future expenses.

Long-term care -- If you decide to purchase long-term care insurance after you are already in your 60's or 70's, the insurance premiums could be quite high.  If you have not yet reached your 60's, you are better off getting the insurance while you are younger and before you have developed any serious health problems. It is smart for most people to get the insurance, because the cost of long-term care can be significant when paid out of pocket.  According to the the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, you have a 70% chance of needing some type of long-term care after the age of 65.  A nursing home can cost as much as $90,000 a year and assisted living facilities run approximately $42,000 a year.  One way or another, it is wise to either buy the insurance or set aside some money for this possible expense.

Entertainment --  Particularly during the first decade after you retire, you may want to kick up your heels a little and spend more time traveling, eating out, going to plays, or indulging in your favorite hobbies ... whether that means enjoying more time on the golf course, purchasing a sailboat or spending money on your favorite collection.  It's important to budget for these activities before you retire.  It won't be any fun to retire if you are unable to afford to do any of the things you looking forward to.

Emergencies -- An unexpected event can have an even greater effect on you when you are not working, since it could be difficult to make up for the lost money.  For example, a sudden drop in the value of your investments, a period of high inflation, losing your home and possessions in a flood, earthquake or other catastrophe, significant medical expenses, or major car repairs can be difficult losses to overcome, particularly if you are living on a tight budget.  When you first retire, it is wise to set aside as much money as possible in an emergency fund so you are prepared for the worst.

The bottom line is that you need to prepare for everything.  As they say, hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  That's the secret to a comfortable retirement.

Source:

Yahoo! Finance, Dave Bernard, "5 Costs to Include in Your Retirement Budget," U.S. News & World Report, September 5, 2014.

For additional information about retirement planning, use the tabs at the top of this page to find links to hundreds of articles about great places to retire in the U.S. or abroad, financial planning, medical issues, family concerns and more.

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credit:  Photo of Laguna Beach taken by author, Deborah-Diane; all rights reserved.