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The Calligraphy CCRC in Napa, CA |
At the same time, my husband and I had been married for over 50 years before he died, and I had never made a major decision without being able to discuss it with him. I worried that I might be making a bad financial decision, or doing something I would regret. However, my daughters pointed out that I had been looking at a variety of CCRCs for years, even while my husband was alive. I had simply never made the commitment to move into one. As I wrote the check for the deposit, I realized I had finally made the decision.
If you are considering moving into a CCRC, either by yourself or as a couple, here are some things you should consider.
What is a CCRC?
A Continuing Care Retirement Community, or CCRC, is designed to give senior citizens confidence that they will have a home where they will be cared for until the end of their life, whether they become frail, or develop dementia, cancer or any other serious health condition. Meals and housekeeping are generally provided, as well as a variety of age appropriate activities. They usually have staff on hand to assist you if you fall or need to be taken to a hospital. It is NOT the same as a skilled nursing home. While living in a CCRC, you may go into a nursing home to rehabilitate from a serious health situation, such as heart surgery. However, once you are able, you can return to your own apartment in your CCRC where they will provide follow-up care, such as bringing meals to your apartment and checking to make sure you are OK.
Preparing to Move into a CCRC
How do you get ready to move into a CCRC? First, as my daughter pointed out, you want to make the decision while you are still healthy enough to handle the stress and experience of going through a move. As my daughter said, if you wait until you are very sick, it will be too hard for you to do everything necessary.
The first thing you will need to do is to downsize the number of possessions you plan to take with you. In most cases, you will be moving into an apartment or cottage that is much smaller than your current home.
I did this by giving away and selling most of my furniture, which was too large for my new apartment. I kept my nightstands and bedroom dresser, but not my king size bed. I gave my formal dining furniture to a daughter. I also gave away my large sofa and matching love seat. In addition, I donated or gave to adult grandchildren nearly all my kitchen supplies.
What did I keep? I kept the things which meant the most to me. I kept my clothing, bathroom supplies, books, photo albums, favorite artwork, my digital Aura frame, family photos, and a few favorite antiques and items of furniture that would help me put a personal stamp on my new home. In addition, I purchased a queen size bed and a couple of lift recliners, which would be helpful after the knee surgery I expect to get in the near future.
Moving into Your CCRC
Despite the dozens of items, and hundreds of pounds of belongings which I gave away, I was overwhelmed by the number of boxes I had when I moved into my new apartment. Even though I thought I had given away everything which I did not need, I quickly discovered that I still had more than I needed. At the suggestion of the move-in assistant at my new community, I hired a woman who helped me unpack and find a place for most of my possessions. This kept me from becoming depressed at all I needed to do.
I also made a number of trips to the dumpster after I moved into my new retirement community. It would have been better to downsize even more before my move.
If I have one recommendation, it is to be brutal about getting rid of things before you move. You will not need very much in your new home. For example, I love yoga and brought along three yoga mats. However, I discovered that the community has plenty of nice yoga mats which I could use. I gave away two, and still kept one of my yoga mats, but certainly did not need to keep all of them.
Adjusting to Life in a CCRC
After I got my possessions unpacked, I realized there would be an adjustment period. I missed my old friends in the community where I had lived before. I had trouble remembering the names of the other 150+ residents in my new community. I was unsure what to do, where to sit at dinner, and which activities to join. In general, I felt insecure, like a new kid at school. This is normal, but still a very uncomfortable feeling.
Fortunately, I soon met another new woman, and we began to eat dinner together and invite other people to join us. This made it easier to get to know the other residents. However, we had to initiate meeting other people, although everyone was friendly and kind when we approached them. We decided that the two of us would sit down in the evenings at a table set for six, and then ask other people to sit with us.
I have also found it is helpful to participate in as many activities as possible. In just the first few weeks of living here, I have gone to art and exercise classes, made a wreath for my door, played Bingo, listened to live music in the main lobby, and joined a trivia game. I also plan to go on some of the excursions which are being organized by the community and will probably join the book club.
Be Patient After You Move
It is important to be patient after you move into a Continuing Care Retirement Community. It may feel quiet and a little lonely, at first, until you get into the swing of things. It will take time to meet other people and decide which activities you enjoy. You will be rebuilding your life in a new community, with new people, and it will take time to adjust.
I have to admit I have had my moments of panic, when I wanted to reverse course and move back to the community where I lived before moving here. However, I know how much that would hurt and worry my daughters.
Do Not Wait Until You are Frail
Some people wait until they are already frail before they move to a CCRC. They may be on chemotherapy after a cancer diagnosis, or they could have advanced Parkinson's disease, suffering from Alzheimer's, or experiencing other severe medical problems.
If you wait until that point, it will be difficult for you to participate in planning your move and deciding what you want to bring with you. It will also be more difficult for you to make friends and become active in the new community. You could end up going directly into a skilled nursing home, rather than choosing a comfortable CCRC. It is better to move into a CCRC while you feel somewhat healthy and you are able to make new friends and participate in the activities which are offered.
If you follow these suggestions, you are likely to have a very pleasant experience and enjoy your new home. Remember, you can still stay in touch with your old friends and, if you choose a CCRC near your family, you will be able to see them, too. The loneliness and awkwardness will eventually go away.
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