Caregiver Burnout - Regain Your Life and Health

Millions of Baby Boomers across the nation are caregivers for a family member, whether that person is their elderly parent, a spouse, a handicapped child or another relative.  If you have cared for a sick loved one who had the flu or some other illness for a few days, imagine how demanding the experience would be if it continued for years.  It is not unusual for a caregiver to become exhausted, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, lonely and, in some cases, the caregiver may even become ill themselves.

In addition, a caregiver who is married and responsible for their own family may find that devoting themselves to the care of an ill relative can take a toll on their other relationships.

As a result of the many problems which can affect a caregiver, it is important they learn how to take care of themselves, as well as the people under their care.  This balancing act can be essential if they want to maintain their own health.  Below are ideas to help caregivers regain their lives, keep themselves healthy and maintain their relationships, without abandoning the people who need their help.

Caregivers Need to Ask for Help

Check out respite care - Many communities offer a public adult daycare program.  This gives you the opportunity to drop off the person under your care for the day.  Often you will find that elderly people, even those with serious health problems or dementia, enjoy being able to get out of the house, spend time with other people, and engage in stimulating activities.  Meanwhile, you can use the day to run errands, schedule doctor's appointments, see friends or simply take a nap.  Adult daycare services are frequently offered on a sliding financial scale, so caregivers can pay an affordable amount based on their income.  In addition, some private nursing homes offer temporary stays on a space-available basis, which make it possible for you to leave an ill patient with them for a few days while you take a trip with your family.  This is an ideal solution when you need a break, but do not have anyone else in the family who can help you. It can also be a solution if you become sick, need to go into the hospital yourself, or have other problems which make it temporarily impossible for you to keep up your caregiver duties. 

Ask friends and family for help - I have a friend whose husband developed severe Parkinson's disease in his mid-60s.  He likes to sit at home all day and watch Westerns or football on TV.  He rarely speaks or engages with anyone.  Naturally, my friend is not comfortable leaving her husband alone at home.  As a result, she often asks friends and family members to simply come to her home and sit with her husband while he watches TV.  This gives her a break and the opportunity to get out of the house and do things for an hour or two several times a week.  If you know someone who is caring for a family member in a similar situation, reach out and offer to sit with their loved one occasionally.  It will just take a few hours of your time, and there is no better gift you can give a caregiver than a little of your time.

Say "Yes" When Someone Offers to Help - Many caregivers believe they are the only person who can take care of the patient under their care.  However, both you and the patient need to learn to accept help when it is offered.  You do not want to feel you are being held hostage by a demanding relative who will not let you out of their sight.  It is beneficial for both the caregiver and the patient when they allow other people to help as much as possible.  In addition, you are also helping the person who offered to help you.  People feel good about themselves when they do something nice for someone else, even if it only happens occasionally.  Having someone sit with your family member while they sleep or watch football on television is an easy way for your friend to help you and feel good about themselves at the same time.  Even if a friend is not comfortable staying alone with the patient, but they offer to bring over food or mow your lawn, accept the offer.  It is one less thing you will have to do.  Learn to be gracious and appreciative in accepting whatever help you receive.

Let the Patient Help Themselves as Much as Possible - The person under your care may not be able to do much for themselves, or they may be able to do some basic things such as feeding themselves or using the remote control for the TV.  Let them do as much as possible for themselves.  It will lessen their boredom and help them feel good about themselves.  It will also take some pressure off of you.  You can make their self-help easier if you make sure your home is as safe as possible.  You may want to install handrails in the bathroom, remove rugs which make it difficult for them to use a walker, order a remote control or telephone with extra large buttons, or make other simple adaptations to your home.  The more they can do for themselves, the easier it will be to care for them.

Caregivers Need to Take Care of Themselves

Stay in touch with friends - It is not enough that you find ways to get out of the house if you only use the time to buy groceries and run other essential errands.  You also need to spend time with your friends, go out to lunch, and keep up your favorite activities, whether that means staying involved with your place of worship or joining a book club.  Do not feel guilty about having fun.  In addition, chat on the phone with your friends whenever you cannot see them.  You will only resent the person under your care if you feel you had to give up everything and everyone important to you.

Pamper yourself - Whether you get an occasional massage or go away for the weekend, doing something special for yourself once in a while is essential.  Make a list of things you used to enjoy and try to schedule a few of those activities as often as you can.  Make appointments to get a manicure or have your hair done; go shopping; take a walk in the park. 

Join a caregiver support group - Many senior centers, community recreation departments and churches offer caregiver support groups. This is an excellent way to make new friends, share your feelings, and learn about community resources which could help you.  If you cannot find a support group near you, there are online groups available.

Take care of yourself - Make sure you take care of your own health.  Be sure to go to the doctor yourself, get exercise, take a relaxation class like yoga or meditation, eat well and get plenty of sleep, even if that means taking a short nap in the afternoons.  If you enjoy reading, exercising, gardening, spending time online or knitting, do not give up your favorite activities.  Set aside some time each day to engage in one of your favorite activities and take care of yourself. You cannot care for someone else if you become ill yourself.

Get all the information you can - You may want to purchase a helpful guide to being a caregiver.  If you are taking care of someone with dementia, a particularly helpful guide is:  "The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias and Memory Loss."  You will find this book is an invaluable resource and will help you maintain your own sanity.

If you want to learn more about common health issues as you age, Medicare, Social Security, financial planning, where to retire and more, use the tabs or pull down menu at the top of the page to find links to hundreds of additional helpful articles.

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Finding Help for Caregivers

According to AARP, approximately 40 million Americans perform the role of caregiver for someone in their family.  Although the typical caregiver is a 49 year old woman, the truth is that more and more men are starting to fill this function in their families.  In addition, about one-fourth of caregivers are young adults between the ages of 18 and 34.  Many Baby Boomers have found themselves in the "sandwich generation."  They are still raising their own children while caring for an aging parent.

The Demands on Caregivers are Becoming More Intense

While the vast majority of ill, disabled or mentally incompetent people have always been cared for by family members, the demands now seem to be greater than ever, putting more stress on families who are caring for someone who cannot fully take care of themselves.

First, insurance companies encourage hospitals to discharge patients sooner, in an effort to save money.  This means that caregivers may have to do more than just feed, dress and bathe their loved ones.  They may also be required to perform traditional nursing duties such as giving injections or inserting catheters. Unfortunately, they may be expected to do these things with little or no training.

In addition, although people are living longer than ever before, they may not be able to take care of their own needs during the last few years of their lives.  Caregivers may be required to take care of a loved one for as much as five or ten years ... which can add a great deal of stress to the job, especially if the caregiver also has children or other family members who need their attention.

Where to Find Help for Caregivers

With all the stress involved, nearly every caregiver is going to need some help at one time or another.  In order to assist them, below is a list of resources to take some of the pressure off.  The organizations below can help you get help in your community.


Eldercare Locator: 
eldercare.gov/eldercare.net/public/index.aspx
800-677-1116

Family Care Navigator:
caregiver.org/family-care-navigator

Caring.com (for information on Alzheimer's)
caring.com/steps-stages/alzheimers

Where to Find Respite Services (when you are traveling or just need a break)
archrespite.org/respitelocator
OR  the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (sponsors day programs for Vets)
OR  local assisted living facilities often provide temporary respite care

Elder Companions
contact your local Area Agency on Aging

Personal Care Assistance
Contact a local home health agency in your community.  They can provide help with meals, dressing, bathing and similar services.

Meals on Wheels America (provides meals to people living alone who cannot fix their own meals)
mealsonwheelsamerica.org/signup/find-programs

Assistance with Transitions to Rehab or Nursing Homes
nextstepincare.org/caregiver_home

Caregiver Support for Veterans
VA Caregiver Support Line
caregiver.va.gov/index.asp 
855-260-3274

More Caregiver Resources Can Be Found at AARP's website:
aarp.org/caregiving
aarp.org/cuidar (in Spanish)

Below are several books which are also excellent resources, followed by practical tools to make caregiving a little easier.  (If you cannot see the book ads, click on the title of this article to be taken to the original article.) 

Technology That Can Help Caregivers

In addition to community resources for caregivers, you may also get some peace of mind by putting technology to use.  Below are some devices that may help:

Invisible GPS - Shoe inserts with a hidden GPS inside.  These are designed for dementia patients who tend to wander off.  Check: GPS SmartSoles

AARP Rx - A free app that will help you organize prescription lists and contact info, so you can share it with family members.

Wireless Blood Pressure Monitoring - Blip BP by BlipCare is a device that you connect to your Wi-Fi.  You can then view the readings online or on an app.

Fall Prevention Lighting - Are you worried that a loved one might fall when they get out of bed at night?  Luna Lights has a pressure pad that automatically will illuminate small portable lights in order to create a path to the bathroom at night.

Medical Alert Devices - You have probably seen the ads in which a woman, lying on the floor, pushes a button on a pendant and say, "Help me!  I can't get up."  There are a variety of these devices, including the Great Call Splash, the Philips Lifeline with AutoAlert and others.  If you are worried about a family member who does not live with you, these devices are a wonderful way to make sure you will be contacted if your loved one falls or has a medical emergency.

Floor Mat Alarm - a mat that can be put by the door or bed.  It will alert you if a dementia patient is leaving their bed, their room, or their house.  Check: the FallGuard Safety Auto Reset Monitor with Floor Mat from the Smart Caregiver Corp.

Home Motion Sensors - These sensors, such as the one made by SafeinHome, will let you know if a loved one who lives alone is unusually inactive.  Check:  SafeinHome



If you are interested in more helpful information about retirement, medical issues as we age, financial planning and more, use the tabs or pull-down menu at the top of this page to find links to hundreds of additional articles.

Source:

AARP Bulletin, November, 2015, "Special Report:  Caregiving in America"

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Becoming a Caregiver for Your Parents or Spouse

My sister just flew to Florida recently to pick up my parents, their car and some of their belongs, so she could drive them back to her home in Missouri.  My mother has severe dementia.  My father has been her caregiver for the past few years but he was beginning to become depressed by the situation.  My sister decided it was time to help him out.  She has a comfortable apartment over her garage and she was willing to have them live there, despite the fact that my mother insisted that she did not want to leave her home in Florida.  I am so grateful to my sister for taking on this difficult situation.

I have called and spoken with my father several times since the move, and he is so relieved.  He has repeatedly told me that he is much happier being around other family members and he is so glad that he is no longer solely responsible for my mother.

According to the Orange County Council on Aging, there are an estimated 20 million Americans who are still raising their own children while also helping with the care of their aging parents.  This does not include the millions of elderly people who, like my father, will spend years caring for a spouse with mental or physical limitations.  If you find yourself in one of these situations, you are not alone.

What a Caregiver Needs to Know

*  Caring full-time for another person can be demanding, exhausting and may take a toll on your job and your other relationships.  It is important that you take care of yourself and get all the help you can.  No matter what is going on with your loved one, you cannot take care of them for long if you are not taking care of yourself.  Make sure you get enough sleep, eat right, get exercise and that you get out of the house on a regular basis.

*  Have your loved one assessed by a geriatric specialist.  Make sure they also have dental, eye and hearing exams so that their quality of life is as good as possible.  There is no reason to make life harder on either you or them if there is a health issue, such as poor eyesight or hearing loss, that can be corrected.

*  Involve the elderly in as many of their healthcare decisions as possible.  If they are mentally competent, they have the right to be in control of their own life and make their own decisions about end of life care.

*  Expect that the elderly may be resistant to any changes and to your help.  They may not want to become a burden on you.  They may be embarrassed that they need your help.  They may miss having their own home, seeing their old friends, etc.  Understand that they may seem angry or depressed at times as they grieve their changing circumstances.  My mother is a perfect example of this.  Although she can no longer be left alone and she cannot cook, pay her own bills, or do many of the things she has enjoyed doing in the past, she was very resentful about the move.  She did not want to leave her own home because she was familiar with it and she felt safe there.

*  If you do not have relatives to help you, hire help, even if you can only afford to hire a care-giver for a few hours a day or a few days a week.  A caregiver may be able to drive your loved one to doctor's appointments, church or other activities.  They can also help with bathing, dressing or feeding someone who needs assistance.

*  If your spouse or parent has dementia, find out if there is an adult daycare center in your community.  This may be essential if you are still working.  These organizations provide supervision for someone who cannot be left at home alone during the day.  They also provide simple, but interesting activities for the elderly ... such as painting, jewelry making, physical exercise, games and entertainment.

*  Contact local nursing homes and assisted living facilities to find out which ones provide vacation care.  Many nursing homes and dementia care facilities can provide temporary care for your loved one when you are going to be out of town.  This may actually be more comfortable for them than dealing with the stress of airport security and other issues that could come up if you attempt to take them with you on a trip.

*   Try to make sure that your loved one's legal documents are in order ... including their will, Advance Health Care Directive, and insurance coverage.  Discuss sensitive issues, such as funeral planning, with them, if they are mentally competent.

*  Reassure yourself that their finances are being properly handled ... that bills and insurance premiums are being paid, assets are correctly invested, former residences are sold or leased out, etc.  In my family's case, my sister and my father have taken the necessary steps to list the Florida home for sale, fully furnished.  My nephew will be driving down with a truck to pick up the few items my parents want to keep and that would not fit in their car.

*  Talk to their doctor so that you fully understand what medications they should be taking and any adjustments that need to be made to their lifestyle.  For example, should their car be sold or do they need special safety equipment or assistive devices such as a walker?

*  Contact your local senior center for information on resources that may be available in your area to help you.  They may be able to give you information on community programs that could save you money and benefit your loved one. 

Even while dealing with your role as a caregiver, you may also need to take action to make your own retirement plans.  Use the tabs at the top of this article to find links to hundreds of articles about retirement planning, medical issues, and more.

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How to Avoid Caregiver Burnout

Are you the primary caregiver for a sick, elderly or disabled spouse or relative in your home?  For many Baby Boomers, care giving is a loving act of kindness.  You may even appreciate the opportunity to spend time with a loved one in their final years.  In other cases, you may feel overwhelmed, but realize that you are only one in the family who is able to take on this responsibility.  Regardless of the reason you are a caring for someone in your home, it is not easy.

While you may be happy and willing to take on the responsibility for someone else, you also need to pay attention to your own needs and take care of them.   After all, if you become ill or collapse from exhaustion, you cannot help someone else.

Caring for the Caregiver

Pay attention to yourself.  Make sure you are getting enough sleep, that you are eating enough and that you are not feeling exhausted or run-down.

Think HALT.  This means do not let yourself become too hungry, angry, lonely or tired.  If you do, you are likely to become depressed, irritable or angry.  You could lash out at other members of your family, including the loved one who is in your care.  In extreme cases, this has even led to elder abuse.  You do not want this to happen to you.

Reach out to others for help.  Find out what resources are available to you.  Are there relatives who can give you a break once in a while?  Even getting a day off once a week, or a weekend off once a month can make a huge difference.  Does your city offer free or low-cost adult day care programs?  Does a nearby nursing home offer respite care or temporary care for the elderly or disabled?  These services can fill in the gaps when you do not have other family members who are able to help.

If there are problems, discuss them with your loved one's doctor.  When my mother, who has dementia, became angry, paranoid and difficult to deal with, my father, sister and brother-in-law discussed her behavior with her physician.  He prescribed an anti-depressant and almost immediately my mother's behavior improved.  Do not keep new symptoms to yourself.  Doctors may be able to help more than you think.

Do not isolate yourself.  Keep up your friendships.  Get out of the house and spend time with others as often as you can.

If your faith is important to you, maintain your religious affiliations.  Participate as often as possible.  Pray. You will benefit from the spiritual support and, sometimes, other members of your church can be helpful.

Treat yourself once in awhile to something you enjoy, whether it is a long bath, a funny movie, or a stroll around the neighborhood.  Keep up a few relaxing hobbies, such as reading your favorite books, needlework, or painting.  If possible, take an occasional short trip. 

Let go of any feelings of guilt.  You are not responsible for the health problems of your loved ones.  You deserve a good life, too.  Enjoy it to the best of your ability.

Resources for Caregivers:

If you are looking for additional help, contact these organizations:

Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 or at www.eldercare.gov
Family Caregiver Alliance at www.caregiver.org

You may also be interested in reading:

Senior Living in a Med Cottage or Granny Pod
Alzheimers Symptoms, Risk Factors and Treatment Options
Avoid Grapefruit When Taking Medications
Helping Caregivers Survive the Holidays

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo courtesy of http://www.morguefile.com