Making Friends as an Adult: The Art of Building Meaningful Connections

We can still make friends as we age.

Life changes as we get older, especially after retirement. We may move to a new community, far from the friends we knew in the past.  Even if we stay in the same area, some of our long-time friends may have passed away or moved to be closer to their adult children.  We no longer are connected to the people we worked with over the years and, gradually, those relationships may slip away.

Being lonely can be dangerous.  It is associated with worse health outcomes, and could contribute to developing dementia at an earlier age.  However, with so many life changes after retirement, how can we avoid becoming lonely when we feel less connected to our old friends?

Making friends as an adult can seem like a daunting task, especially if you've recently retired, moved to a new city, started a new job, or experienced a significant life change. Unlike the structured environment of a job or school, where friendships often develop organically, adulthood presents unique challenges when it comes to building new connections. However, with a little effort and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, making friends, even as you age, can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. Let's explore some effective strategies to help you navigate the journey of forming meaningful friendships as an adult.

Embrace Your Interests:

One of the most natural ways to make friends as an adult or retiree is to pursue group activities you genuinely enjoy. Whether it's joining a book club, attending a fitness class, getting involved in your place of worship, participating in a hobby group, or volunteering for a cause you're passionate about, engaging in activities that align with your interests will naturally connect you with like-minded individuals. Shared passions create a solid foundation for friendships to flourish, as you already have a common ground to build upon.

Be Open and Approachable:

Approachability is key when making new friends. A friendly smile and open body language can go a long way in encouraging others to approach you. Show genuine interest in people by actively listening to what they have to say. Ask questions and be curious about their experiences, opinions, and aspirations. Being approachable and genuinely interested in others makes it easier for potential friends to feel comfortable around you.  Be willing to share a little about your own background, but also stop talking about yourself long enough to ask others about their background, their families, and their interests.  Then, sit back and genuinely listen. You might be surprised at the interesting experiences other people are willing to share with you!

Attend Social Events:

Social events are fantastic opportunities to meet new people. Attend local festivals, social events, parties, or community gatherings. Be open to initiating conversations with strangers, and don't be afraid to introduce yourself. Remember that everyone is at the event to connect with others, so don't be shy about starting a conversation and sharing a bit about yourself.

If you have recently moved to a new retirement community, you will find that most of the people there also desire to meet their new neighbors.  They, too, want to form new connections!

Join Online Communities:

You can still make new friends, even if it is hard for you to get out and socialize as you age. The internet has made it easier than ever to find like-minded individuals and stay in touch with your family and old friends. Join online forums, social media groups, or platforms dedicated to your interests or hobbies. Engage in positive discussions, offer helpful advice, and connect with people who share similar passions. These virtual connections can often lead to real-life friendships and provide a safe space for introverts or those with social anxiety to ease into social interactions.

However, you also need to be cautious about online relationships.  Sadly, some people use these groups as a way to gain the trust of other members and then ask them for money.  Immediately cut off communication with anyone who begins to hint that they need money.  

You should also avoid getting into heated political or religious discussions with others online.  This will only make it harder to form friendships with others. 

Be Patient and Persistent:

Building genuine friendships takes time and effort. Don't be discouraged if you don't find your tribe right away, especially in a new community. Be patient and persistent in your pursuit of meaningful connections. Keep attending events, joining clubs, and engaging with others, even if it feels challenging at times. True friendships are worth the investment, and the process itself can be enriching and enlightening.

Be Authentic:

Authenticity is essential when making friends as an adult. Be yourself and embrace your uniqueness. Pretending to be someone you're not just to fit in will ultimately lead to superficial connections that lack depth. Embrace your quirks and vulnerabilities, as they make you relatable and genuine. When you are authentic, you'll naturally attract people who appreciate and value you for who you truly are.

Be Accepting and Uncritical

By the time we have reached our 50s or 60s, many of us have had a lot of life experience.  This can cause us to feel as if we know more than other people, and we can even start to believe we know what is best for others.  Learning to keep our strong opinions to ourselves, and being less critical of other people will make it easier to find friends.  Everyone wants to be accepted just as they are, and criticizing other people for the choices they have made is only going to cause hurt feelings.  Having an accepting and uncritical attitude will also ease strained family relationships, thus improving those connections, too.

Show Empathy and Support:

Friendships are nurtured through mutual support and empathy. Be there for your potential friends during both happy and challenging times. Celebrate their successes and offer a listening ear and a caring heart during their struggles. Being a reliable and empathetic friend fosters trust and strengthens the bond between you and others.

If you hear about a friend or neighbor who is going through a challenging health emergency, offer them a ride to a medical appointment, or take them a meal, or even a few cupcakes.  Just showing them how much you care will be greatly appreciated.  You may never know how one act of kindness can change a life!

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone:

Making friends as an adult often requires stepping outside of your comfort zone. Be willing to take the initiative to plan outings, invite people to join you in activities, or attend events. Embrace new experiences, as they offer great opportunities to meet new people and expand your social circle.

You might even occasionally invite your new friends or neighbors over for dinner, a barbecue, or just some morning coffee or an evening glass of wine on your patio.  Extending casual invitations to friends is a lovely way to get to know others better and deepen your friendships.

Over the years, every time my husband and I moved to a new neighborhood, we always made the first overture to our new neighbors by hosting a block party and inviting everyone who lived nearby.  It made it easier to get to know everyone quickly, and we never regretted reaching out to our neighbors within a few months of moving into a new home.

While making friends as an adult might not be as effortless as it was during our school days, the rewards of meaningful connections are well worth the effort. Embrace your interests, be open and approachable, attend social events, join online communities, be patient and persistent, be authentic, be less critical, show empathy and support, and step out of your comfort zone. By applying these strategies, you'll increase your chances of forming lasting and fulfilling friendships that enrich your life and the lives of those around you.

Remember, friendship is a beautiful journey of shared experiences, laughter, and support, and it's never too late to embark on that journey. So, take that first step, and let the world open up to you in ways you never imagined.  It could also keep you healthier and help you postpone dementia as long as possible!

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Don't forget to nurture your friendships, too.  When I was a Girl Scout leader, we taught the girls this song.  "Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold."  In other words, even as we make new friends, be sure to reach out to the ones you are still in contact with from the past.  Send them holiday and birthday cards.  Call them occasionally.  

If you are looking for small gift ideas for your friends, you might want to check out my Etsy shop at:

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It has a number of inexpensive gift ideas to send a friend for any special occasion, including this bracelet.  The gift box can easily be personalized, too, at no extra charge, if you contact me on my Etsy shop with the personal message you want to send.

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