Caregiver Burnout - Regain Your Life and Health

Millions of Baby Boomers across the nation are caregivers for a family member, whether that person is their elderly parent, a spouse, a handicapped child or another relative.  If you have cared for a sick loved one who had the flu or some other illness for a few days, imagine how demanding the experience would be if it continued for years.  It is not unusual for a caregiver to become exhausted, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, lonely and, in some cases, the caregiver may even become ill themselves.

In addition, a caregiver who is married and responsible for their own family may find that devoting themselves to the care of an ill relative can take a toll on their other relationships.

As a result of the many problems which can affect a caregiver, it is important they learn how to take care of themselves, as well as the people under their care.  This balancing act can be essential if they want to maintain their own health.  Below are ideas to help caregivers regain their lives, keep themselves healthy and maintain their relationships, without abandoning the people who need their help.

Caregivers Need to Ask for Help

Check out respite care - Many communities offer a public adult daycare program.  This gives you the opportunity to drop off the person under your care for the day.  Often you will find that elderly people, even those with serious health problems or dementia, enjoy being able to get out of the house, spend time with other people, and engage in stimulating activities.  Meanwhile, you can use the day to run errands, schedule doctor's appointments, see friends or simply take a nap.  Adult daycare services are frequently offered on a sliding financial scale, so caregivers can pay an affordable amount based on their income.  In addition, some private nursing homes offer temporary stays on a space-available basis, which make it possible for you to leave an ill patient with them for a few days while you take a trip with your family.  This is an ideal solution when you need a break, but do not have anyone else in the family who can help you. It can also be a solution if you become sick, need to go into the hospital yourself, or have other problems which make it temporarily impossible for you to keep up your caregiver duties. 

Ask friends and family for help - I have a friend whose husband developed severe Parkinson's disease in his mid-60s.  He likes to sit at home all day and watch Westerns or football on TV.  He rarely speaks or engages with anyone.  Naturally, my friend is not comfortable leaving her husband alone at home.  As a result, she often asks friends and family members to simply come to her home and sit with her husband while he watches TV.  This gives her a break and the opportunity to get out of the house and do things for an hour or two several times a week.  If you know someone who is caring for a family member in a similar situation, reach out and offer to sit with their loved one occasionally.  It will just take a few hours of your time, and there is no better gift you can give a caregiver than a little of your time.

Say "Yes" When Someone Offers to Help - Many caregivers believe they are the only person who can take care of the patient under their care.  However, both you and the patient need to learn to accept help when it is offered.  You do not want to feel you are being held hostage by a demanding relative who will not let you out of their sight.  It is beneficial for both the caregiver and the patient when they allow other people to help as much as possible.  In addition, you are also helping the person who offered to help you.  People feel good about themselves when they do something nice for someone else, even if it only happens occasionally.  Having someone sit with your family member while they sleep or watch football on television is an easy way for your friend to help you and feel good about themselves at the same time.  Even if a friend is not comfortable staying alone with the patient, but they offer to bring over food or mow your lawn, accept the offer.  It is one less thing you will have to do.  Learn to be gracious and appreciative in accepting whatever help you receive.

Let the Patient Help Themselves as Much as Possible - The person under your care may not be able to do much for themselves, or they may be able to do some basic things such as feeding themselves or using the remote control for the TV.  Let them do as much as possible for themselves.  It will lessen their boredom and help them feel good about themselves.  It will also take some pressure off of you.  You can make their self-help easier if you make sure your home is as safe as possible.  You may want to install handrails in the bathroom, remove rugs which make it difficult for them to use a walker, order a remote control or telephone with extra large buttons, or make other simple adaptations to your home.  The more they can do for themselves, the easier it will be to care for them.

Caregivers Need to Take Care of Themselves

Stay in touch with friends - It is not enough that you find ways to get out of the house if you only use the time to buy groceries and run other essential errands.  You also need to spend time with your friends, go out to lunch, and keep up your favorite activities, whether that means staying involved with your place of worship or joining a book club.  Do not feel guilty about having fun.  In addition, chat on the phone with your friends whenever you cannot see them.  You will only resent the person under your care if you feel you had to give up everything and everyone important to you.

Pamper yourself - Whether you get an occasional massage or go away for the weekend, doing something special for yourself once in a while is essential.  Make a list of things you used to enjoy and try to schedule a few of those activities as often as you can.  Make appointments to get a manicure or have your hair done; go shopping; take a walk in the park. 

Join a caregiver support group - Many senior centers, community recreation departments and churches offer caregiver support groups. This is an excellent way to make new friends, share your feelings, and learn about community resources which could help you.  If you cannot find a support group near you, there are online groups available.

Take care of yourself - Make sure you take care of your own health.  Be sure to go to the doctor yourself, get exercise, take a relaxation class like yoga or meditation, eat well and get plenty of sleep, even if that means taking a short nap in the afternoons.  If you enjoy reading, exercising, gardening, spending time online or knitting, do not give up your favorite activities.  Set aside some time each day to engage in one of your favorite activities and take care of yourself. You cannot care for someone else if you become ill yourself.

Get all the information you can - You may want to purchase a helpful guide to being a caregiver.  If you are taking care of someone with dementia, a particularly helpful guide is:  "The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias and Memory Loss."  You will find this book is an invaluable resource and will help you maintain your own sanity.

If you want to learn more about common health issues as you age, Medicare, Social Security, financial planning, where to retire and more, use the tabs or pull down menu at the top of the page to find links to hundreds of additional helpful articles.

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Finding Help for Caregivers

According to AARP, approximately 40 million Americans perform the role of caregiver for someone in their family.  Although the typical caregiver is a 49 year old woman, the truth is that more and more men are starting to fill this function in their families.  In addition, about one-fourth of caregivers are young adults between the ages of 18 and 34.  Many Baby Boomers have found themselves in the "sandwich generation."  They are still raising their own children while caring for an aging parent.

The Demands on Caregivers are Becoming More Intense

While the vast majority of ill, disabled or mentally incompetent people have always been cared for by family members, the demands now seem to be greater than ever, putting more stress on families who are caring for someone who cannot fully take care of themselves.

First, insurance companies encourage hospitals to discharge patients sooner, in an effort to save money.  This means that caregivers may have to do more than just feed, dress and bathe their loved ones.  They may also be required to perform traditional nursing duties such as giving injections or inserting catheters. Unfortunately, they may be expected to do these things with little or no training.

In addition, although people are living longer than ever before, they may not be able to take care of their own needs during the last few years of their lives.  Caregivers may be required to take care of a loved one for as much as five or ten years ... which can add a great deal of stress to the job, especially if the caregiver also has children or other family members who need their attention.

Where to Find Help for Caregivers

With all the stress involved, nearly every caregiver is going to need some help at one time or another.  In order to assist them, below is a list of resources to take some of the pressure off.  The organizations below can help you get help in your community.


Eldercare Locator: 
eldercare.gov/eldercare.net/public/index.aspx
800-677-1116

Family Care Navigator:
caregiver.org/family-care-navigator

Caring.com (for information on Alzheimer's)
caring.com/steps-stages/alzheimers

Where to Find Respite Services (when you are traveling or just need a break)
archrespite.org/respitelocator
OR  the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (sponsors day programs for Vets)
OR  local assisted living facilities often provide temporary respite care

Elder Companions
contact your local Area Agency on Aging

Personal Care Assistance
Contact a local home health agency in your community.  They can provide help with meals, dressing, bathing and similar services.

Meals on Wheels America (provides meals to people living alone who cannot fix their own meals)
mealsonwheelsamerica.org/signup/find-programs

Assistance with Transitions to Rehab or Nursing Homes
nextstepincare.org/caregiver_home

Caregiver Support for Veterans
VA Caregiver Support Line
caregiver.va.gov/index.asp 
855-260-3274

More Caregiver Resources Can Be Found at AARP's website:
aarp.org/caregiving
aarp.org/cuidar (in Spanish)

Below are several books which are also excellent resources, followed by practical tools to make caregiving a little easier.  (If you cannot see the book ads, click on the title of this article to be taken to the original article.) 

Technology That Can Help Caregivers

In addition to community resources for caregivers, you may also get some peace of mind by putting technology to use.  Below are some devices that may help:

Invisible GPS - Shoe inserts with a hidden GPS inside.  These are designed for dementia patients who tend to wander off.  Check: GPS SmartSoles

AARP Rx - A free app that will help you organize prescription lists and contact info, so you can share it with family members.

Wireless Blood Pressure Monitoring - Blip BP by BlipCare is a device that you connect to your Wi-Fi.  You can then view the readings online or on an app.

Fall Prevention Lighting - Are you worried that a loved one might fall when they get out of bed at night?  Luna Lights has a pressure pad that automatically will illuminate small portable lights in order to create a path to the bathroom at night.

Medical Alert Devices - You have probably seen the ads in which a woman, lying on the floor, pushes a button on a pendant and say, "Help me!  I can't get up."  There are a variety of these devices, including the Great Call Splash, the Philips Lifeline with AutoAlert and others.  If you are worried about a family member who does not live with you, these devices are a wonderful way to make sure you will be contacted if your loved one falls or has a medical emergency.

Floor Mat Alarm - a mat that can be put by the door or bed.  It will alert you if a dementia patient is leaving their bed, their room, or their house.  Check: the FallGuard Safety Auto Reset Monitor with Floor Mat from the Smart Caregiver Corp.

Home Motion Sensors - These sensors, such as the one made by SafeinHome, will let you know if a loved one who lives alone is unusually inactive.  Check:  SafeinHome



If you are interested in more helpful information about retirement, medical issues as we age, financial planning and more, use the tabs or pull-down menu at the top of this page to find links to hundreds of additional articles.

Source:

AARP Bulletin, November, 2015, "Special Report:  Caregiving in America"

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credit:  morguefile.com

Sandwich Generation Headed Towards Retirement

According to a study by the Pew Research Center, as reported on the AARP blog, many people today are finding themselves part of the "sandwich generation."  In fact, almost half of all adults between the ages of 40 and 59 have a living parent who is over 65 and, at the same time, they are either still raising a child under the age of 18, or they are financially supporting an adult child.

About 27 percent of the people in the sandwich generation are providing financial support to their adult children; about 21 percent are providing some support to their aging parents.  In addition, the US Department of Health and Human Services states on their website that, according to the U.S. Census of 2000, over 2.4 million grandparents have primary responsibility for raising their grandchildren.  That number has undoubtedly grown since the year 2000.

Why We Are Providing Financial Support to our Family Members

There are several reasons why so many Baby Boomers are finding themselves in the position of providing physical and financial support for other generations of their family.  One reason is the recession which started in 2007.  Since that time, many young people have found it difficult to find jobs that pay well enough to enable them to be financially independent.  Another reason is because an increasing number of elderly parents are being forced to move in with their adult children in order to survive, especially if they lost their homes or savings during the recession or as a result of long illnesses and other financial setbacks.

When family members are in financial distress, it is natural for us to reach out and help each other.  Very few of us would feel comfortable taking care of ourselves while letting our children or parents suffer.  It is very commendable that we are willing to take on these extra burdens in order to alleviate the suffering of our relatives.

How to Protect Your Own Retirement Plans

The problem is that many Baby Boomers who are part of the Sandwich generation are finding it almost impossible to save for retirement.  While they are taking on the support of their adult children and their elderly parents, their 401K's and IRA's are sitting empty.

While I would never advocate that people let their family members suffer while they build up big bank accounts, people who find themselves in the "sandwich generation" need to do some serious financial planning so they do not find themselves destitute in retirement.  If you can think of no other reason to try to save more money towards retirement, ask yourself if you want to be a burden on your children and perpetuate the stress of being in the sandwich generation on them.

More than ever, it may be wise to consult with a financial planner and make some changes in your lifestyle now so that you can help your family members, while still being able to save for your own future at the same time.

There is no reason why anyone should feel guilty about saving for their own future.  After all, if you are able to take care of yourself during your own retirement years, you will also be helping your children by not making them financially responsible for your care.  We can all work towards the day when the size of the sandwich generation decreases once again.

How to Take Care of Yourself

In addition, it is important for Baby Boomer caregivers to take care of themselves emotionally, socially, physically and spiritually.  No matter how much you want to help others, you cannot do a good job of caring for your parents or grandchildren if you let yourself get run-down.

Take time to get exercise, eat right and sleep right.

Take advantage of any assistance you can get that will make caregiving easier.  Do you have other relatives that can help with the burden, at least once in a while?  Are there community resources, such as adult daycare, that can make life a little easier for yourself?

Keep up with your friends and religious affiliations.  You deserve to get a break from your burdens once in a while and renew yourself socially and spiritually.

Relax and get rest whenever you can.

If you are interested in learning more about where to retire, health issues that may arise while you age, financial planning, changing family relationships and more, use the tabs or pull-down menu at the top of the page to find links to hundreds of additional articles.

You may also be interested in reading:

Why Some Seniors are Choosing Cohabitation
Living with Your Kids
Retiring Former Hippies Spark a New Generation Gap
Healing Relationships with Your Adult Children

You are reading from the blog: http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo of multi-generational family courtesy of www.morguefile.com