Why Family Caregivers Reject Help and How to Help Them Anyway

At some point in our lives, we may become a caregiver for another family member, or we may know someone else who is a caregiver.  The work can be overwhelming and exhausting.  A family caregiver may be "on call" 24-hours a day, seven days a week.  The work can be physically demanding, depending on how much assistance the patient needs.  In the case of caring for someone with dementia or Alzheimer's Disease, it can be all-consuming to make sure they do not wander away or accidentally hurt themselves.

Surprisingly, family caregivers often reject help when it is offered to them.  Whether it is a relative who offers to give them a break for a weekend, or a local nursing home or adult day care center which offers temporary respite care, the caregiver may refuse to even consider using the available help.

Unfortunately, refusing to accept assistance can put the caregiver's own life at risk.  People who care for family members who are chronically ill tend to die four to eight years sooner than they would have without this added responsibility.  In fact, sometimes they die before the family member they have been caring for.

Why do caregivers die sooner than expected?  Stress is a major factor in heart disease, strokes and cancer, and being a caregiver can be extremely stressful.  In addition, the caregiver is typically the person who must leave the home to do the shopping or handle other business.  This makes them more vulnerable to catching Covid-19 or other contagious diseases.  Being a caregiver is a high risk occupation.

If you are concerned about a family caregiver, how can you help them?  You may want to start by understanding why the caregiver resists getting help, and by learning everything you can about their situation.  It could also be helpful to read a book such as "When Caregiving Calls: Guidance as You Care for a Parent, Spouse or Aging Relative." (Ad)  If you become more knowledgeable about how to take some of the burden from them, they may be more willing to accept your help..

Why Caregivers Resist Getting Help and How to Solve the Problem

Protecting the Patient - The caregiver may believe that leaving the patient with someone else could put the patient in danger.  As a result, they are reluctant to leave them, even with a friend or family member, unless the other person seems completely capable of handling any situation which could arise. If you sincerely want to help, you may be able to overcome this objection by offering to "shadow" the caregiver for a few days, learning everything you can about the patient's medical condition, and winning the confidence of the primary caregiver. Gaining all the knowledge and experience you can will help them feel more relaxed when you offer to take over for a few days or even just a few hours.

The Caregiver May Feel Guilty - Some people, especially older couples in long marriages, or parents of an ill child, may feel that it is their sole responsibility to be the caregiver. They may feel they signed up to take care of this person no matter what happens, so they may feel guilty leaving them with someone else.  It might help to have them talk about their guilt with a therapist or family clergyman.  It could also help if you can explain to them that their loved one could actually benefit from the stimulus of being with others or going to adult day care a few times a week.  The patient may become bored with the same routine day after day, which can actually worsen their condition.  A little variety could cheer them up.

The Caregiver and the Patient May Both Fear Having Strangers in the Home -  We have all heard horrible stories about paid healthcare aides who physically or mentally abused their patients or stole from them.  Even though these situations are very rare, the fear can be real.  As a result of these stories, both the patient and the caregiver may be extremely uncomfortable about letting someone else help, especially a paid home health aide or other stranger.  The caregiver may also believe that a paid healthcare aide will not be able to handle an emergency. If anything goes wrong, for example if the patient has a seizure, the family caregiver may be consumed with guilt over leaving their loved one with someone else. This may be true even though the event could have happened regardless of who was there. It may be possible to reassure a family caregiver by asking the healthcare aide or other assistant to start by just helping out for short periods of time.  It might also reassure them if the aide only works under the supervision of the primary caregiver, who can use the time when the aide is in the home to do other things, such as rest, work in their garden, putter in the kitchen or work on their favorite hobby.  

They May Prefer their Privacy - It can be very uncomfortable for either a patient or their family to have home health aides, friends, or relatives in their home all day long.  Instead of making them feel more relaxed, they may feel more stressed, believing they need to entertain or talk to these other people all day.  It could be easier if the caregiver takes advantage of a little free time by leaving the house, visiting friends, going shopping, or simply retreating to their bedroom and taking a restorative nap.  Someone who is trying to give a family caregiver a little time off should encourage the primary caregiver to use the time to do whatever they want or need to do, and not feel obligated to treat the helper as a guest. The paid healthcare aide or helper should also ask the patient whether or not they want to talk or do anything.  The patient may welcome a new visitor who is willing to listen to their stories or play a card game, or they may just want to be left alone, depending on the circumstances.  Honor their preference, if at all possible.

Pride May Be Standing in The Caregiver's Way - Some caregivers are proud of the fact that they have always been able to manage things on their own, without help.  Now, it may feel like a loss if they suddenly feel dependent on others to help them.  You might remind them that they are helping other family members when they give them the opportunity to help take care of their loved one and spend some quality time with them.  

If you want to assist a caregiver in your family, or if you are the family caregiver, you may find encouragement in the book, "The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself."  (Ad)  This book could also give you some great suggestions for ways caregivers can take better care of themselves.

The Cost of Paid Help May Seem Unaffordable - Getting outside help, either in the form of a paid home health aide or at an adult day care center, can be expensive.  However, in certain situations Medicare, Medicaid or the Veteran's Administration may cover the cost of temporary help. In some communities, the charge for adult day care is based on the family's income and the cost is charged on a sliding fee scale. If the patient is near the end of their life, hospice care is usually free and is covered by Medicare. Friends and relatives can help the caregiver explore the various programs and find out what different levels of assistance might cost and how they could pay for it. Other family members may even want to help out financially with the cost. For example, an adult child living in another city might offer to pay for adult day care one or two days a week, which could take a huge strain off the caregiver.  

If you truly want to give a break to a caregiver, despite their resistance, you have a variety of options.  You just have to let them know you are sincere in your desire to help, you are capable of providing the assistance they need, and everyone will benefit from the new arrangement. It may take a little time to break down the caregiver's resistance, but don't give up.  It could literally save the caregiver's life.

Disclosure: This blog may contain affiliate links. If you decide to make a purchase from an Amazon ad, I'll make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

If you are interested in reading more about common medical issues as we age, where to retire, financial planning, Social Security, Medicare and more, use the tabs or pull down menu at the top of the page to find links to hundreds of additional articles.

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credits:  Morguefile

Health, Life and Disability Insurance - What Do You Need and Why Do You Need It?

There are so many types of insurance we can buy that it can be confusing and overwhelming.  Obviously, most of us cannot afford to have every type of possible insurance, but we can benefit by carefully weighing our choices and deciding which ones we are most likely to need.  In some cases, such as disability insurance during our working years, we may hope we never need it, but the knowledge that we have it can bring us peace of mind.

Recently, the writer of a website that helps businesses comply with disability insurance requirements, sent me a list of questions she is frequently asked.  She thought that my blog might be a better site for answering those questions, and she even sent me links to articles which she believed would help answer the questions.  After reading her list, I agreed these are important issues which people need to understand.  As a result, I thought I would briefly give my readers an overview of different types of insurance they want to consider, whether they are near retirement or not.

I also highly recommend that you discuss different types of policy with your insurance agent, get quotes, and decide which ones are within your budget and are important to you.

You may find it useful to read a little about the insurance you are considering, from an unbiased source, before you talk to your agent.  A good choice is "Insurance for Dummies."  (Ad) This inexpensive and easy-to-read book covers all kinds of insurance, including auto, homeowners and renter's insurance, as well as the policies listed below.  It could help you avoid costly mistakes and the purchase of unnecessary insurance.

Common questions about different type of insurance

What is the Difference Between Burial Insurance, Life Insurance, and Funeral 

Insurance?

If you are like many people in my retirement community, you are bombarded with ads for a variety of types of insurance, including small insurance policies to cover the cost of your burial, accidental death insurance (which only covers you if you die of an accident, not as a result of an illness), and regular life insurance, which covers you regardless of how you die and allows you to use the proceeds for whatever reason your heirs wish, including paying for your burial.  What you need depends on a variety of circumstances.  If you have no heirs, for example, you may just want burial or funeral insurance (or you may want to skip the insurance and pre-plan your funeral). 

 

If you want to make sure a spouse or your children are taken care of after you die, then a regular life insurance policy would be a better option. The amount of life insurance you need will depend on your current and anticipated future income, which you are trying to replace.  You should also consider your current debt, which you would not want to pass on to a widowed spouse. There are two types of life insurance ... term and whole life.  Term is more affordable, but has an expiration date. When you replace it, the cost is likely to be much higher. You should discuss with your insurance agent which type you should buy, how long you will need the policy, and what you can afford.  You can learn more about the differences between the types of policies in this article:

https://www.lhlic.com/consumer-resources/burial-insurance-vs-life-insurance/

Why You Should Get Health Insurance

Some people, especially those who are young, single and on a tight budget, may believe they do not need to buy health insurance. They may assume that they are so healthy, they are unlikely to get sick.  They do not expect to be injured, either.  As a result, they may neglect to get health insurance.  However, there are many programs which can help low income people pay for their health insurance and, by having insurance, they could save a great deal of money in the future if they do become injured or get ill. None of us know when we may be unexpectedly hospitalized, and no one wants their credit ruined by enormous, unaffordable medical bills.  The two articles below will help you understand the advantages of having health insurance.

https://www.creditkarma.com/tax/i/why-get-health-insurance/

https://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/08/private-health-insurance.asp

Will My Health Insurance Cover a Retirement Home or Assisted Living?

A lot of people assume that if they have health insurance or Medicare, they will be covered in the event they need to move to a retirement home or into an assisted living facility.  This is NOT true.  While some health insurance policies and Medicare will pay for a short stay in a medically necessary skilled nursing or rehab facility, none of them will pay for someone to live permanently in a retirement home, or assisted living facility.  You can learn more about this in the article below. In addition, be sure you read the answer to the next question.

https://modernretirement.org/will-my-insurance-cover-a-retirement-home-or-assisted-living/

Should I Get Long-Term Care Insurance?

The answer to whether or not you need Long-Term Care Insurance is, "It depends."  That is not a very specific answer, but everyone's situation is different.  Here are some of the things you need to consider:

 

If you are wealthy or have a high retirement income, and can afford to pay out-of-pocket for caregivers or an extended stay in a skilled nursing facility, there is probably no reason to buy this insurance, unless you want it to protect your assets.  

 

The middle class are the people who are most at risk of financial ruin from a long stay in a nursing home. This is especially true if they have savings, a business, or other assets which they want to protect. With a cost of $6000 or more a month to pay for a skilled nursing home, you can use up your assets very quickly.  Consequently, these are the people who are most likely to benefit from Long-Term Care Insurance.  It is also possible to solve two problems at once, by purchasing a life insurance policy which can be converted to long-term care insurance, if you need it.  Then, if you never need long-term care, your heirs will get the benefit of the insurance.  If you do need long-term care, you will not have to spend your assets down in order to cover the cost.

 

Ironically, if you have a very low income and have few assets other than your home,  Medicaid may cover the cost of medically necessary long-term care, after you or Medicare have paid for the first few months of care. The rules for getting Medicaid to cover your long-term care are complicated, so it is wise to learn all you can about long-term care, Medicaid, and nursing home care.  The article below will help you, but you will also want to learn as much as you can about Medicaid, how to qualify, and how to apply.  There is actually a book available on this specific topic with the very long name:  "How to get Medicaid to pay for ALL or some of Your Long-Term Care Expenses without having to wait 5 years, without having to sell your house, and without going broke first." (Ad)  As I said, a very long title, but the book contains some very important information for people who are trying to decide if Medicaid will cover the long-term care expenses of a loved one.

 

Requirements for Long Term Medicaid Disability:

https://www.disabilitysecrets.com/resources/disability/disability-social-security/requirements-long-term-disability.htm

Do You Need Disability Insurance?

A few years ago, one of our daughters, a school teacher who was in her 30s at the time, developed a health issue which required her to stay home from work for several months.  She quickly used up her vacation time and sick leave.  Fortunately, only the year before she had purchased disability insurance.  It enabled her to continue to get almost her full paycheck, while she recuperated.  She was so thankful she had purchased that policy.  Like many young adults, it never occurred to her that disability insurance was not already included in the deductions taken from her paycheck.  It also had not occurred to her that anything might happen which would require her to miss work for any length of time. She was glad she went ahead and added this insurance, despite not thinking she would ever use it.

 

It may be worth it for every working person to confirm whether or not they are covered by disability insurance and, if not, find out how they can obtain it.  The premiums are typically quite low, and it can bring real financial security to someone in the event of a serious accident or health issue.   You can learn more in the article below.

https://www.aarp.org/health/health-insurance/info-08-2012/disability-insurance-do-you-need-it.html

What types of insurance do you need?  As you probably already realize, virtually everyone should have auto, health and either renters or homeowners insurance.  But what about other types of policies?  The need varies from person to person.  Take a little time to explore your options, learn as much as you can about insurance, and take action to make sure you utilize insurance as part of your plan to meet the future needs of you and your family.

Don't forget that you may want to read a little about the insurance you are considering, from an unbiased source, before you talk to an agent.  I recommend "Insurance for Dummies."  (Ad) It is an inexpensive and easy-to-read book which covers all kinds of insurance, including auto, homeowners and renter's insurance, as well as the policies mentioned in this article.  The authors are not trying to sell you insurance, but they are trying to help you learn how to use it to avoid unnecessary expenses.

If you are interested in learning more about financial planning for retirement, where to retire, Social Security, Medicare, common medical issues as you age, and more, use the tabs or pull down menu at the top of the page to find links to hundreds of additional helpful articles.

Disclosure: This blog may contain affiliate links. If you decide to make a purchase from an Amazon ad, I'll make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

You are reading from the article:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credit:  Pixabay

Pensions and Lottery Winnings: Lump Sum or Monthly Payments - Which is better?

Many companies offer their employees a choice when they retire. They can either take the pension they have earned as a lump sum or as a monthly income for the rest of their life.  Whichever decision you make can have a significant effect on your future.  Unfortunately, employees often have very little time to decide, and the decision is usually irrevocable.  

People in other situations often face a similar dilemma.  What if you win a large sweepstakes prize or hit the lottery?  Should you take all the money in a lump sum, or take it in monthly or annual payments?  

Often the temptation is to take all your money at once and invest it however you wish.  However, do you know what the tax implications of that decision might be?  What if you make poor investment decisions?  What if you use the money to start your own business, and it fails?  What if you suddenly get unexpected requests for financial aide from everyone you know?  What happens then?

One the other hand, what if you take the pension or cash prize in payments for the rest of your life, and then die a year later?  What would happen to your money, then?

Whether you are trying to decide how to handle a pension you earned, or a lottery you won, you need to weigh the advantages and disadvantages of whichever choice you make.  The recommendations below, based on an article in the Money section of the September 2020 AARP Bulletin, may help you weigh your options.  

When a Lump Sum Payout is Best

* If your private employer is financially weak and not part of the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp., it is probably a smart idea to take the cash as a lump sum.  Religious organizations are examples of employers who often are not part of the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp.  If your employer closes down over the years, or cannot afford the promised pension, they may default on their pension payments.  

*  If you have a history of being a successful investor, or if you have a trusted financial advisor, you may be able to handle the lump sum well on your own.  However, do not let a financial advisor pressure you into taking a lump sum so he can speculate with it.  If he promises that you could "make a killing," or if he "guarantees" he can make you a lot of money, you should be skeptical.  No one can guarantee that your investments will always do well.

*  Take the lump sum if you already know you will have a sufficient monthly retirement income from other sources, and you want to use the lump sum to pursue other goals, such as helping your children pay off student loans or putting a down payment on a house.  However, do not become too generous with the money unless you are absolutely sure that your own retirement needs will be fully taken care of for 20 to 30 years.

*  Take a lump sum if you are confident you can be discreet with the money and not attract the kind of attention which will cause scammers and casual friends to suddenly show up and "desperately" need your help.  Are you capable of maintaining a quiet, private lifestyle and turn down frequent requests for money and gifts?

*  Take a lump sum if you have reason to believe you will not live long, or if you are unable to choose a beneficiary who will receive the money should something happen to you.

When Monthly Pension Payments are Best

*  According to the National Endowment for Financial Education, about 70 percent of lottery winners lose ALL their windfall within a short time, in some cases within a few weeks.  If you want to make sure you will still be able to enjoy your earned pension or lottery winnings for the rest of your life, then it is a smart idea to take monthly payments.  Then it will be almost impossible for you to spend all the money too quickly, leaving you penniless.

*  If you are financially undisciplined, it is probably better to take monthly payments.  This will prevent you from quickly giving away all the money to your friends and family, leaving yourself with nothing.  It will also prevent you from splurging on expensive homes, cars, boats, jewelry and trips, spending, spending, spending until you are out of money.  It takes discipline to handle a large sum of money responsibly, without quickly going through it all.

*  If you are worried about how to handle the money so it will last the rest of your life, then it may be best to simply take the monthly payments.  If you are anxious about how to say "no" to demanding relatives, then you will feel much less stress if you can tell them, "I'm sorry, but I only receive a small amount of money each month."  They will stop thinking of you as a potential bank!  Even when you choose to give them a little financial help, the amount you can offer will be substantially less.

*  If you are not a sophisticated investor and could easily fall victim to smooth talking friends and acquaintances who have lots of great "investment" ideas, then you may be better off taking the money in monthly payments.  Then you will always know you will have this income, without putting it at risk.

*  If the payor of the monthly payments is reliable and dependable, such as the state lottery, Publisher's Clearinghouse, or an insured pension plan, then taking monthly payments could be a good choice.   It is better to have a dependable monthly payment from an organization where the money is guaranteed, than hope to get a similar return from your own investments, which would not have a guaranteed return.

Whichever decision you make, it is wise to first discuss your choices with an attorney and a tax expert.  They can help you determine which choice is better, and whether you should set up a family trust to accept and distribute the money, who should get the distributions if something happens to you, and what the tax implications would be.  This is especially true if you are getting a particularly large sum of money. 

If you are interested in learning more about saving money, financial planning, Social Security, Medicare, where to retire, common medical issues as you age, travel and more, use the tabs or pull down menu at the top of the page to find links to hundreds of additional helpful articles.

Disclosure: This blog may contain affiliate links. If you decide to make a purchase from an Amazon ad, I'll make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credits:  Pixabay/Kahll

The Low Acid Diet for GERD, Inflammation and Your Overall Health

Do you suffer from acid reflux, heartburn or GERD?  Is your throat hoarse or do you cough frequently?  Do you ever get an uncomfortable lump in your throat or have occasional trouble swallowing?  You may be suffering from excess acid in your diet, and if the problem is left untreated you could end up with esophageal cancer or other serious health conditions.  It is even possible that excess acid in your diet and the resulting chronic inflammation which it can cause may contribute to Alzheimer's Disease, heart disease or diabetes.

Millions of Americans suffer from the symptoms of too much acid in their diet.  They often respond to their discomfort by using antacids, and these over-the-counter medications can temporarily mask the problem.  However, antacids do not necessarily heal the damaged esophagus, nor do they prevent the underlying problem.  Only changing the diet to a less acidic one can permanently cure the problem.  It is even possible to get relief by just changing to a low-acid diet for as little as 28 days.

Solving the Problem of Stomach Acid

According to Dr. Jonathan Aviv,  the Clinical Director of the Voice and Swallowing Center, who has researched this issue extensively, there are certain foods which you should avoid and, conversely, other foods which you should choose in order to lower your consumption of acid. 

You can get a detailed explanation of the problems caused by a high acid diet, as well as the best foods to eat, helpful menus, and more in Aviv's book, "The Acid Watcher Diet: A 28-Day Reflux Prevention and Healing Program."(Ad)

In his book, Dr. Aviv recommends following a strict healing diet for 28 days, followed by a less restrictive eating plan once you have healed the delicate tissues in the esophagus and other parts of your digestive system.

Getting Started on the Acid Watcher's Diet

People who are affected by stomach acid need to avoid:

Tobacco
Caffeine
Chocolate
Carbonated sugary drinks
Alcohol

During the initial 28 days of the diet, you will also want to avoid:

All carbonated beverages
Raw Onions
Raw Garlic
Tomatoes
Mint
Other high acid foods

Choose to Eat more foods with a pH of 5 or higher such as:

Lean animal proteins
Whole grains
High pH fruits and vegetables
Aromatic herbs and spices

Eventually you will be able to add back some foods such as:

Caffeine
Some alcoholic beverages, such as potato or corn based vodka
Cooked garlic and onions
Select dairy products
Apples and peppers
Honey
Occasional sliver of dark chocolate

What Are the Potential Benefits of the Low Acid Diet?

Higher energy
Less bloating
Weight loss
Less indigestion and heartburn
Less phlegm in the throat
Less inflammation 

How to Get More Details

If you are concerned about the amount of acid in your diet and the damage it is causing your health, you will want to read Dr. Aviv's book "The Acid Watcher Diet: A 28-Day Reflux Prevention and Healing Program." (Ad)  It explains why there has been an increase in the amount of acid in our food since the 1980s and how to reduce it in our current diets.

The book also contains food lists, menus, and recipes to help you eat a diet which will reduce the amount of acid you consume.  After just four weeks, you could feel better and be healthier.

Benefits of Eating a Low Acid Diet

At first you may think that changing your diet is too much trouble. You may believe you can just live with your indigestion and eat what you want.  However, are you willing to suffer all the future consequences of that decision?

Eating a high acid diet can cause more than indigestion.  It can lead to esophageal cancer, throat burn, heartburn, bloating and irritable bowel syndrome. It can also cause chronic inflammation which has been linked to a wide variety of disorders, including Alzheimer's disease, heart attacks, psoriasis and diabetes.

Regardless of what health problem you may be experiencing, you have nothing to lose and, possibly, a great deal to gain by giving the low acid diet a try for a few weeks, at least. 

 

Disclosure: This blog may contain affiliate links. If you decide to make a purchase from an Amazon ad, I'll make a small commission at no extra cost to you

If you are interested in learning more about common medical issues as we age, Medicare, Social Security, financial planning, where to retire and more, use the tabs or pull down menu at the top of the page to find links to hundreds of additional helpful articles.

You are reading from the blog:  http://www.baby-boomer-retirement.com

Photo credit:  Wikipedia images - vegetables