Showing posts with label dating scams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating scams. Show all posts

Saturday, May 7, 2022

Romance and Dating Scams - How to Stay Safe and Have a Legitimate Online Romance

The Tender Swindler, Simon Leviev, cheated many women.
You may have heard of the "Tender Swindler," Simon Leviev, an Israeli man who has "borrowed" hundreds of thousands of dollars from a number of women around the world.  He spends weeks romancing women through the dating site, Tender, often meeting them and taking them on incredibly romantic, luxurious dates.  Gradually, he wins their confidence, "borrows" money from them, and disappears, frequently leaving the women broke. He has been interviewed on TV, and insists he feels absolutely no guilt about what he has done.  In fact, he is currently working on a book and movie about his escapades, which means he has found another way to profit off it! Technically, what he is done has not landed him in jail, because the women willingly "gave" him the money, and none of them asked him to sign anything saying he would pay them back. 

While you might not be the next victim of the infamous Tender Swindler, you could still fall for someone on a dating website who makes you feel special and important, only to gradually find yourself sending them money to help them with a little cash shortfall or financial reversal.  Sometimes these people spend months "reeling you in" like a fish.  They might meet you in person, or only be someone you know online. Either way, it is wise to be smart and cautious anytime you meet someone new.

You may also want to read some true books which have been written by victims of romance scams.  These books are fascinating to read, and can help open your eyes about how these scammers work.  A couple of good choices are:  "Unhappily Ever After: A Romance Scam" and "Broken."  (Ad) Both books cost just a few dollars, and are much cheaper than what you might lose to a clever scam. After you read these books, you will realize how even smart people can become a victim of these types of scams.  You might also give one of these books to someone who loves to read, and who you believe might be vulnerable to this type of scam.

With education, we may be able to reduce the number of future victims of romance scams. AARP has also come up with some tips which could help everyone, especially older adults, learn how to identify someone who may try to scam them out of money through a social media or dating site.  While these tips are directed at senior citizens, they actually apply to people of all ages who are looking for romance.

How to Spot a Romance Scam

It can start on any online site.  While we often think of dating sites as the source of these scams, about one-third of the people who lost money in 2021 in a dating scam reported that the initial connection started through social media such as Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.  Many of those good looking people who send you a direct message or try to contact you privately through social media may be trying to trick you into falling for their scams.

The scammers usually do not try to meet in person, although there are exceptions.  Often they explain that they live in another part of the country or they are overseas, but "something about your profile made them want to get to know you better."  Of course, this is not always true. The Tender Swindler met the women he scammed in person and, shockingly, he is still doing it! 

They often move slowly, but contact you regularly.  The scammers want the connection and feeling of trust to build, before they try to get you to send them money, so they may not try to rush you.  Of course, you need to realize that most of them are also messaging several other potential victims at the same time, so there is no reason for them to rush you.  Sooner or later, though, they will sense that you are ready to "help them out of a bad situation."  They look for people who seem kind-hearted and who are always trying to help them.  The nicer you are, the more likely they will choose you as their next victim.

They tell you how much they want to meet you in person, but some emergency always comes up.  This can be the beginning of the money drain. They tell you about their problems, and explain that they need money quickly to solve them.  It could be money to cover a medical bill or a business issue.  They may also suggest that they have plenty of money, but it is tied up in an investment or because of a banking problem.  In those cases, they will assure you that they will pay you back. Whatever problems they describe, the bottom line is that they want you to send them money in a hurry.  

They ask that the money be sent to them in a form that is hard-to-trace. They might ask you to buy gift cards or debit cards and text them the codes on the back of the cards or read them aloud over the phone.  They might also ask for cryptocurrency, or for a bank or wire transfer.  Once they have the numbers off the back of the gift cards, they can use them and the funds are untraceable.  It is virtually impossible to get your money refunded.

They promise to pay you back, but never manage to do it.  After you send them some money to help them out, they come up with reasons for you to send more and more.  Many of them have practiced this for years and have plenty of reasons why they need the money, and even more excuses for why they have not paid you back.

Romance scams can sometimes turn into something even more sinister, such as money laundering or investment in fraudulent cryptocurrency investments.  You may be blindly following the instructions they give you, and have no idea you have crossed the line into even more serious illegal activities.

How to Avoid Putting Yourself in Danger

Do not think you are safe because you made the first contact.  Dating websites, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other sites are full of fake profiles of people who are just waiting for someone to "bite."  I have often seen Twitter profiles that say something like, "Honest, Christian man looking for friendship."  It may sound nice, but you do not know if any of what it says is true!

Do not reveal too much about yourself when you connect with someone online.  The more they know about you, the easier it is for them to manipulate you or try to steal your identity.  Do not tell them details about yourself including your birthdate, where you went to school, your last name, or the names of family members.  Even the name of your pet should be avoided, especially if you have used it in a password or as an identity question.

Do not give them intimate photos.  They could use the photos to blackmail you, which is sometimes called sextortion.  They could also simply sell the photos on the internet and make money that way.  You may not even know that they are profiting off the photos or personal items you have sent them.

Do not send anyone you do not know personally any cash, cryptocurrency, gift cards or reloadable debit cards.  You will never get the money back.  If you want to send money legitimately, for example to a friend or family member, write them a check or use a legitimate money service such as PayPal.  At least if a check gets stolen, you have the opportunity to cancel it. 

Romance Frauds Can Be Financially Devastating

The older you are, the more money you are likely to lose in a romance scam.  While young adults lose an average of about $2,400, someone over the age of 70 loses an average of $9,000.

In the extreme, some people have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars because of romance scams.  Three of the women who fell for the Tender Swindler, Simon Leviev, were among those who have lost that much.  They are intelligent, attractive, successful women who never dreamed they could fall for a scam, but they did.  You can learn more about what he did by watching the Netflix video called "The Tender Swindler."  It is horrifying! 

Warning Signs of Romance Scams

They send you a "too-good-to-be-true" photo which makes them look like a model or a movie star.  Often, these are photos they found of someone else online, and it isn't even them!

The person wants to chat with you privately, off the dating or social media site.  They suggest text messages, emails or phone calls right away.  

They "love bomb" you, or  sweep you away with lots of attention.   They act as if they are obsessed with you, which can feel very flattering, especially if you are lonely.

They tell you about their financial problems until you offer to "loan" them money, OR they suggest "guaranteed investments" which you are supposed to keep secret.  This is how they get you to send them money without telling your family members what you are doing. 

They keep suggesting you meet in person, but find reasons to cancel.  On the other hand, they behave like an obsessed fan and actually do show up at your home.  This can be even more scary and dangerous.   The "Tender Swindler" met women in person, "love bombed" them, told them he was the son of a billionaire, borrowed money he promised to pay back, and then disappeared.

How to Recover from a Romance Scam

Many people are so humiliated by what happened to them, they are afraid to admit it or tell anyone. Elderly men and women have been known to keep it secret from their adult children, because they do not want to be told they are no longer able to handle their own finances.  Young adults are afraid to tell their parents, for fear they will be told they were idiots to fall for the scammer.


Whatever your age, you can recover from a romance scam.  A good place to start is by reading the book, "Love on the Line: How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and Without Victimization Extended."  (Ad) It will help guide you in recovering mentally and emotionally from what happened and, hopefully, prevent it from ever happening again. 

How to Find a Legitimate Romance Online

Of course, many people really do find love and legitimate connections on dating websites, including two of my daughters.  Not everyone you meet online is trying to cheat you.  So, how do you make sure you are only connecting with the right kind of people?

Only communicate through the dating site as long as possible.  

Take things slowly, and ask a lot of questions to make sure they are a good match for you.  Pay attention to their answers and notice any inconsistencies.  They may not be a scammer, but you also want to make sure they are not married or lying to you in other ways.

Discuss the prospective dating matches with your friends and family and see if they notice any problems.  Pay attention to their concerns.

Check out the other person's profile photo using Google's image search.  If you find the same photo with a different name, it is a red flag that the person is not who they say they are.

Do a Google search of phrases from overly flirtatious, romantic emails they send.  Make sure they have not copied their love letters from other websites. This is a good way to spot a romance scam.  They often use the same or similar emails and messages over and over again.

If everything else seems OK and you decide to meet, do NOT tell them where you live.  Meet at a neutral public location, such as a coffee shop or restaurant, that is not in your neighborhood.  Take a friend along, even if they sit at another table to watch out and make sure everything goes OK. 

Let friends and/or family members know where you are going and when you expect to return.  This is true even if you are in your 60s or 70s. You are never too old to practice being cautious!  

Watch your beverages so no one can slip a drug into your drink. Older adults did not worry about being drugged in a public place when we were young, so we may not be accustomed to keeping an eye on our drinks.  However, today it is a serious concern.

Suggest that your first few dates are "group" dates, with both of you bringing friends and/or family along.  This will help you both feel more comfortable before you begin to date one-on-one.  If the other person refuses a group gathering, where you can get to know their friends, that is a huge red flag. 

If everything continues to go well, you may have found a successful match through the dating site.  

If something goes wrong and you believe the person is lying or putting you at risk, notify the dating site about what happened.  This could help protect others from going through the same bad experience.

You can also report a scam to the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center and the FTC.

Have fun and enjoy meeting new people.  Just maintain a healthy degree of caution for a long time. 




Have you found a legitimate new love in your life?  You can find gifts in my Etsy Store, DeborahDianGifts.  There are a wide variety of gifts to choose from, too.  Check it out here:  
  

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Thursday, March 13, 2014

One-Third of Scam Victims are Over Age 65


None of us believe we will ever fall victim to a scam.  We are smart, educated, have common sense and we have decades of real-life experience.  There is no way that someone could fool us.  Right?  Unfortunately, professional scammers are working day and night to come up with new ways to cheat us out of our hard-earned money and, I'm sad to say, many of them have gotten really good at it.

According to the AARP and the National Council on Aging, people over age 65 comprise only about one-eighth of our population; however, they are the victims in approximately one-third of all scam cases.

If we are going to make sure our retirement savings last the rest of our lives, it's not enough to be certain that it is invested well.  We must also be sure that no one can trick us into turning some of it over to a fraudulent business.

Seven Common Scams Against Senior Citizens

Sweepstakes:  Beware of letters, emails and phone calls announcing that you have won a contest or sweepstakes, especially one that you do not remember entering.  If the contest administrators ask for money to pay them money in advance to cover taxes, insurance or other fees, it is almost certainly a fraud, since honest contests are not allowed to do this.  Call your local sheriff's office or county prosecuting attorney's office.

Online Dating:  If you put your profile on a dating site, be cautious if, after weeks or months of pleasant messages, the person you have connected with online begins to express a need for money.  They may say they want the money so they can afford to visit you or because they have a medical or personal emergency.  Frequently they will ask that you send the money in a wire transfer.  American women over the age of 50 are the most common victims of these scams.  They lost a reported $34 million in 2012, while American men lost approximately $5 million.  It is believed that many more cases go unreported because the victims are too embarrassed to tell anyone.  Each incident costs the victim an average of $10,000. 

Phony Charities:  I have repeatedly listed on this blog that people need to thoroughly vet any new charity before they make donations to it.  Never give your credit card information to someone who comes to your door or calls you with a charitable request.  Be skeptical of any charities that you have never heard of.  Check them out with the Better Business Bureau Wise Giving Alliance, CharityNavigator.org, or a similar charity evaluator.  Otherwise, stick to charities that you have dealt with in the past and trust, such as your religious organization, the Red Cross, United Way and similar well-known non-profits.

Grandparents Scam:  Two personal friends of mine have fallen victim to this scam.  Both of them were intelligent women who never thought they would fall for something like this.  Both of them discussed the situation with their husbands before sending money.  One of them is married to a retired Deputy Sheriff and even he was fooled.  In this scam, a upset "grandchild" or other relative calls, desperately begging for money and sobbing at the same time, so it is hard to recognize their voice.  Think you wouldn't be fooled?  People in the United States have reported losing $110 million a year to this scam ... and many more may not have reported it!

Home Repair Scams:  These scams happen most often after a major catastrophe that damages homes in your neighborhood; however, they can happen at other times, as well.  Someone may show up at your door offering to repair your gutters, fix your driveway, replace roof shingles or make other home repairs.  They can cheat you in one of two ways: either they ask for an upfront fee and then disappear; or they make shoddy repairs and keep asking for more and more money to fix new "issues" they find (or create).  Get recommendations for contractors from your friends, neighbors or insurance company before you use anyone.  Make sure they have a contractor's license.  Never hire anyone who unexpectedly shows up at your door.

Healthcare Thieves: This has been going on for a long time, but it is expected to become worse for a while because so many people are confused about the new Affordable Care Act.  A stranger, pretending to be a consultant, may offer to help you get free medical supplies or to help you understand changes to your insurance.  What they are really trying to do, however, is steal your identity, get medical care under your name, and leave you with the bill.  A woman here in Orange County, California, where I live, was arrested a few years ago for stealing another woman's medical identity and using the other person's identity to get several elective surgeries, including cosmetic surgery!

Investment Scams:  Unfortunately, these types of crimes did not end with the arrest of Bernie Madoff.  I have known several people who have fallen for these types of smooth-talking crooks.  One elderly couple we know lost nearly all their savings and were stunned when they discovered that "the nice young man" they trusted had actually stolen from them. This scam may start with a free-lunch seminar or some other special program set up under the guise of helping seniors find "low-risk" investments. People can be wiped out before they realize there is a problem.  Once again, stick with major investment firms or those that you know very well.

If you believe you have been a victim of a thief or scammer, contact your local police department, sheriff's department or the prosecuting attorney's office.  Keep any evidence you have that will help them identify the person behind the scam.

Other scams that often target senior citizens are counterfeit drugs, funeral scams, anti-aging products, and deceitful practices involving financial services such as reverse mortgages.  Always discuss major outlays of money with other family members as well as trusted financial advisers.

Bottom line:  Be careful.  Be skeptical.  Rely on all those years of experience that have kept you safe during your younger days.  You do not want to give away your hard-earned savings to criminals.

Whether you are already retired or about to retire, you may enjoy reading some of the other articles available on this blog.  Simply use the tabs at the top of the page to find the topics of most interest to you.  The tabs contain links to hundreds of additional articles.

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Source: 

http://www.ncoa.org/enhance-economic-security/economic-security-Initiative/savvy-saving-seniors/top-10-scams-targeting.html

AARP Bulletin, Fall, 2013.

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